The Pressure is Real

I cried this morning. It wasn’t very long maybe 15 seconds at the most. A lot of tears didn’t come just six or seven really heavy ones. It’s the best gift I could have given them myself. It was a much-needed relief.

I could feel the pressure building up and it was nothing I could do to stop it. It was almost like being in the middle of the ocean and I could barely see land and with each wave that came over my head the pressure pushed me further and further away from the shore.

I have a great amount of amazing things that are taking place currently in my life. Journey is 3 years old and Justice will be 5 months old tomorrow.  I am building a positive brand around being a stay at home dad, I am redoing my website, I have a passion project that I am currently working on. I also have so exciting up speaking engagements and book signing. Plus we just got back from an awesome vacation.

However the day to day life can’t be over looked or what’s the point of it all. What lead to this unsurmountable feeling of overwhelming pressure? I have books that I want to read and haven’t done yet, every time I look up there’s something that I’m learning new about social media and marketing that makes me feel like I am completely lost in the dark. 

Journey is at a very engaging age of conversations and questions. Justice is due for a bottle, our cat want meowing even after I have given her food, out two dogs need to be let inside, dishes need to be done from breakfast, bottles need to be washed, and I have a long list of errands to run. Some the errands continue to carry over for weeks. I feel like with each passing moment I’m making a choice to do something now that will cause me to put something off for tomorrow.

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Quick sidenote: both of my daughters pooped on me yesterday.

This morning the moment came when Journey walked into the kitchen after already having some intentional parenting moments with her and said that she tore a piece of her Dr. McStuffins play-set apart because she wanted to. We proceeded to walk into a playroom together. I spent the next two minutes explaining to her how people make sacrifices to buy things for her and how she needs to respect the things that she have. If not she will play with them sparingly. 

As I was returning back to the kitchen floor I realize  I begin to feel this overwhelming pressure to just cry. It wasn’t very long maybe 15 seconds at the most. A lot of tears didn’t come in just six or seven really heavy ones. It’s the best gift I could have given myself. It was a much-needed relief. 

I feel so behind.

15 minutes later Journey walked in the kitchen and proceeded to hug me and tell me that she loved me.

Jonathan OliverComment